Government Job Jokes Quotes and Status
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Recently Ex Indian Cricketer and currently commentator, Mr. Virender Sehwag has equated Government Jobs officials with Chennai Supr King Cricket team players after they are continuously losing their matches against opponent teams in the Indian Premier League (IPL) 2020 being held at United Arab Emirates (UAE).
First, let us know, exactly what he said.
"Some of Chennai's players are like people who get government job, whether you perform or not, you know you're getting the pension" - Virender Sehwag on the performance of Chennai Super King team performance in Indian Premier League (IPL) 2020.
He meant to say that like government employees in India who have a permanent job, these players think they have a permanent place in the team and their position in the team is secured like a government job is secured.
Though this has been said on a lighter note, some part of it is correct. Some of the government employees actually do some lethargic work, some do not work at all.
This behavior of Government employees had created a lot of jokes, quotes in the peoples' minds not only in India but in many other countries the world over.
We have grown up hearing all the jokes about how government workers don't do anything. I've had people tell us that it's absurd how little you have to do if you work for the government. Obviously, this doesn't apply to every government job but these are jokes that carry forward from generation to generation.
There are many famous jokes and quotes which are shared among the masses.
We have collected some of these jokes, statues quotes, etc for your reference.
Government Job Jokes Quotes and Status - Table of Content
So here the collection of all of the Government Jobs Jokes Meme Status Quotes etc.
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| Picture from the Internet |
Government Job Jokes
#1
A government employee sat in his office, and out of boredom decided to see what was inside his old filing cabinet.
He poked through the contents and came across an old brass lamp he's never seen before.
"This will look good on my mantel," he said and took it home with him.
While polishing the lamp, a genie suddenly appeared.
"Noble sir," he thundered.
"You have three wishes you may ask of me."
"Alright," said the government clerk.
"I would like an ice-cold Coke right now." He gets his Coke and drinks it.
Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. "I wish to be on an island with beautiful women, who find me irresistible."
Suddenly, he's on an island with gorgeous women eyeing him lustfully.
He tells the genie his third and last wish. "I wish I'd never have to work again."
Instantly, he was back in his government office.
#2
A man visits the local council for a job interview.
During his interview, the interviewer asks him "Are you allergic to anything?" to which the man replies "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."
"Ok, have you ever been in the military service before?"
"Yes," he says. "I was in Iraq for one tour."
The interviewer replies "That will give you 5 extra points towards employment."
After this, he asks "Are you disabled in any way?"
The applicant says "Yes, a bomb exploded near me and I lost both of my testicles."
Upon hearing this, the interviewer grimaces and says "Sorry to hear that... Okay then.
You have enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8 am to 4 pm. You can start tomorrow at 10 am, and plan on starting at 10 am every day."
The man says: "If the work hours are from 8 am to 4 pm, I'll come at a normal hour, I want to do my part." "You misunderstand." Says the interviewer.
"This is a government job, For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."
#3
One Government Employee was having the hair cut in a salon in office time.
His boss saw him.
Boss asked him angrily "How dare you to cut your hair in Government Office timing?"
The employee said, "Sir these har grow in Government duty time only."
"But not all hairs grow in office time", said the Boss.
Employee "But Sir, this is why I have not cut all hairs"
#4
Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are first one says,
“Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow.”
The second says, “Ha! You think that’s fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet.”
The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then says, “You two know nothing about fast. My father stops working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45! The other 2 are puzzled and ask what your father does.
The third one replies "my Dad’s a civil servant."
Government Jobs Status
#1. You are not successful unless you are in Government Jobs.
#2. Without Government Job in India, you have achieved nothing.
#3. Why don't government workers stare out the window in the morning?
Because, if they did, they'd have nothing to do all afternoon!
#4. You Work for the Government if .....
- You make law and rules so complex that you yourself can not understand and hire a consultant to understand
- You yourself quote saying "You know it is a Government system, it takes time"
- You can name the project leader of more than 10 projects including your own, but still can’t explain in the simplest terms what they do.
- All Government job post title becomes an acronym.
- You don’t see anything wrong with attending a meeting on a subject you know nothing about.
- You feel you contributed to the meeting just by being there.
- You realize that a paperless office is impossible. Actually, you believe it is possible, just not in your office.
- You keep documents/manuals on projects that have been long since cancelled.
- You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.
- You see a good looking person and know it is a visitor. 😈
- You attend meetings for its free lunches or refreshments only.
- You’re already late on the assignment you just got.
#5. India’s Educated Unemployed Prefer Govt Jobs To Private Ones, Finds a Survey by Centre for Equity Studies among government job aspirants in Delhi, Jaipur and Allahabad.
#6. Government Job is never necessary to be completed.
#7. Look Doesn't matter if you have a Government Job in India.
Government Job Quotes
#1
Some of Chennai's players are like people who get a government job, whether you perform or not, you know you're getting the pension" - Virender Sehwag on the performance of Chennai Super King team performance in Indian Premier League (IPL) 2020
#2
"Cricket is not like a government job where retirement age is fixed at A cricketer can retire at 30 or 60; it's up to the player." - Virender Sehwag
#3
"Jobs are created in the private sector. Not by the president or the government unless they're government jobs." - Jesse Ventura
#4
"Government jobs are not an addition to the country's payroll; they are an increase in the nation's payload." - Ilana Mercer
#5
Jobs are created in the private sector. Not by the president or the government unless they’re government jobs.” — Jesse Ventura
#6
"India's PM is a joke" - Congress president Rahul Gandhi attack on Indian Prime Minister Narender Modi. "His policies destroyed one crore jobs last year (2018)", he said.
#7
Stop privatisation of PSUs, save government jobs - Rahul Gandhi
#8
Both Of My Parents Graduated From High School, Both Attended College, Both Have Government Jobs Now. They've Always Been Very Adamant About Me Finishing High School And Finishing College.” - Chance The Rapper
#9
Government Jobs Are Not An Addition To The Country's Payroll; They Are An Increase In The Nation's Payload.” - - Ilana Mercer
#10
>"You can’t have a cut-off date for a crime like you have for government jobs.” - Indian Law Minister Mr. Ravi Shankar Prasad on Juvenile Justice Act
#11
23 states, eight Union Territories have abolished interview for govt jobs - Union Minister Jitendra Singh.
This, he said, is a follow-up to the abolition of interview for Group-B (non- gazetted) and Group-C posts in the central government ever since 2016.
#12
“If I become the CM, then in my first cabinet meet I’ll sign an order giving 10 lakh government jobs to the youth of Bihar.” Tejashwi Yadav, the President of Rashtriya Janta Dal (RKD) said on 23rd October 2020 at his campaign rally in Nawada district’s Hisua in assembly election 2020.
#13
"It's All Bogus": Chief Minister of Bihar Nitish Kumar On Tejashwi Yadav's 10 Lakh Government Jobs Promise
#14
सरकारी नौकरी में मजे करने के 7 मूल मंत्र
- बने रहो पगला, काम करेगा अगला..
- बने रहो कूल, सैलेरी मिलेगी फुल..
- जिसने ली टेंशन, उसकी वाइफ लेगी पेंशन..
- काम से डरों नहीं ओर काम को करो नहीं..
- काम करो या न करो, काम की फिक्र जरूर करो..
- फिक्र करो या न करो, फिक्र का जिक्र अपने साहब से जरूर करो..
- जो काम करे, उसे अंगुली करो और जो काम न करे उसकी चुगली करो...
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